Pastors in an Age of Life Coaches
With a New Year upon us, the tidal wave of tips for “discovering the better you” are in full swing. A recent email offered me a guide for how to find my true love in 2022 if I subscribed to a weekly newsletter. Little do they know my search for ‘true love’ ended 18 years ago. Nevertheless, the mélange of life hacks, love tips and success solutions are a click away.
For years I have noticed this approach to change from the vantage point of being a pastor. Because aspects of my role involve helping people reflect on life choices in light of one’s spiritual beliefs I hear of these shortcuts when helping people navigate complex relationship issues. Although improvements can be good, the self-help industry has a shadow side. One of those is to assume that pastors, and other clerical leaders, act more like life coaches.
Recently, a conversation with a neighbor brought this to light. As we discussed Christmas and the responsibilities of pastoral leadership during the holidays she stated, “Sounds like you are a life coach for those into spiritual things.” While I smiled as I suggested otherwise, I think her response reflects what has has now become the norm. For many, pastors are synonymous with a certain type of life coach. As I reflected on that conversation, it became clear that to leave these types of ideas unaddressed will have painful implications for helping people truly change and grow in a way that takes spiritual leadership seriously.
The ‘Life’ Coach Phenomenon
If you play sports, you know the importance of a good coach. In this context, the best coaches know how to interpret patterns while addressing strengths and weaknesses of each player. This approach to coaching is about unifying diverse individuals and coaching them to do the very best so they can win as a team.
This common understanding of coaching has undergone a significant shift.
In addition to this communal concept associated with a team has come a new and more personalized meaning for coaching. Hence, the emergence of a ‘life’ coach. Consequently, this shift soon filtered into areas of life and became a way to re-frame the work of pastors. One writer even suggested reconsidering the the identity of Jesus when they wrote Jesus, Life Coach.
Please do not misunderstand me, I really believe that there is a need to explore focused learning through diverse coaching approaches. More than ever, we need innovative models which may include coaching and one-on-one support. In fact, some good friends involved with Missions & Church Planting are doing their best to bring renewed attention to this reality.
However, if this type of coaching leads to a confusion about a biblical vision of pastoral leadership we are wise to reconsider.
Seeing the Writing on the Wall
It is my suggestion that signs of this type of vocational confusion seem to be accelerating. New approaches to pastoral leadership fueled by a therapeutic Jesus have become more popular than ever. In my limited context, peers who once called themselves pastors, as described within the biblical context, now, with ease, consider themselves “coaches”.
While everyone is entitled to change how they might be called to serve, it seems like something much deeper is going on here.
This growing confusion also impacts other aspects of pastoral leadership. For example, the way we think about maturity and mission. An essential part of pastoral leadership involves equipping people to participate joyfully in the work of God. This includes the work of serving, caring and extending God’s love as revealed uniquely in Jesus. Clearly, a coach should not concern themselves with these matters. Instead, the best coaches should in fact track personal gains and other lifestyle changes rather than a grandeur vision of evangelism and the Kingdom of God.
Two Indicators fueling change
Thinking carefully about the shifting nature of self-care and the constant confusion about the role of church provide helpful starting points.
I. The Nature of Self-Care
While caring for others is a natural part of being human, we now live in a paradigm altering world defined by ‘self-care’. This includes meditation, visualization, relaxation seminars and coaching. This ‘wellness economy’ , by some estimates valued at more than $4 trillion, will eclipse the unique role of pastors, and other forms of spiritual leadership which involves biblical guidance and communal accountability.
Increasingly, this approach to care inevitably pressures spiritual leaders to act like wellness gurus if they want to be seen as relevant. If that isn’t enough, popular actors such as Ted Lasso are now celebrated as a new model of inspirational wisdom and a new age of ‘ coaching’.
When we as pastors do not take the time to differentiate our calling from other forms of care/coaching I think we also add to the confusion.
Pastoral leadership is much more than practicing the principles of coaching and self-care. If the two are confused, not only is the vocation of a pastor minimized, but the value of good coaching gets distorted as well.
To be a pastor involves specialized training shaped by theological studies. This include accountability to a larger story of faith, a local church and other spiritual leaders. In this light, a pastor provides focused attention to ones interior life with discernment and awareness to human frailty and suffering.
When done right, one must deal with aspect of confidentiality and complex human dynamics as revealed in the Christian faith. This also includes agreements of trust and accountability because certain type of change require addressing the concept of healing and forgiveness.
I find it helpful to see all of this a s a Christ-centered view of hope which implies a particular view of the human person shaped by a vision of spiritual formation.
While a coach may also deal with some aspects of self care in the context of self-discovery, pastors help to move someone beyond themselves. The end goal being embracing a freedom that requires denying oneself, as modeled and commanded by Jesus.
ii. Shifting Understanding of Church
As coaching becomes the dominant category for care another shift ensues. At the beginning of the pandemic I wrote a short book called Making Sense of the Church. Since then, many interactions have confirmed how a highly individualized view of life change and coaching has redefined people’s ideas of church.
While no one would ever think to place a private health trainer in restaurant kitchen because context matters. In the same way, making a pastor act like a life coach is often a way of forcing them outside of the particular context where their calling is meant to flourish that leads to formation.
According to the Bible a pastor is, symbolically, a shepherd. Many are familiar with the popular parable of a shepherd who leaves the 99 to find the lost. While we love that vision and care for the ones at the margins, the parable doesn’t end with the pastor hang’n out with the 1. The biblical lesson finds completion in the joy of the 1 being reunited to the 99. Clearly, the pastoral leader, as shepherd, are servant in the life of a community; a church where healing, restoration and communal joy are made visible.
While this is not the only space for pastoral leadership it remains one of the primary context for a pastor to guide, encourage, love and come along others in a context of accountable leadership. Many of those who get in touch with me, courageously seek advice without considering that they must at some point find their place among others. Pastors who wisely navigate these issues in an age of coaching must hold onto the rich truth informed by the biblical imagery. No pastor can care for others without a healthy view of the church as a community of fellow pilgrims journeying through life together.
A Different Kind of Leadership
When coaching becomes synonymous with being a pastor the sacred space where spiritual guidance and pastoral leadership converge is lost. Eugene Peterson’s prophetic warning hints at what might be at stake. He observed,
“If I, even for a moment, accept my culture’s definition of me, I am rendered harmless.”
Surely a pastor’s role is not to harm, but what he means is that as a pastor, one’s calling is to bring clarity and truth in a way that confronts, sometimes in a painful way, to our propensity to have God on our terms.
In those moments, I return to an ancient prayer which reminds me of my own temptation to do the same. As I read and prayer I am confronted with the simple truth that I myself am one of sheep and that I need to let the Lord be my Shepherd. In so doing, I wait by still waters only to notice his other sheep as well. It is with him as the guide that I, as under-shepherd, must care, correct and courageously call out the good things that God is stirring.
Although coaching has its benefits, pastoral leadership is attuned to hear and to watch for deeper life issues which draws us and others to God’s ways not our own. If we continually miss this essential biblical truth we cannot be surprised when people miss that not all life change happens in the same way. Some of the deepest challenges can’t just be punch out of the way.
